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It's a Sunshine Day: When Orange Ruled Interiors

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I don't know why so many homeowners in the 21st century seem to be afraid of color. Open a home magazine, and you're likely to see showcased interiors mostly painted in drab shades of grey lately. This was hardly the case in the late '60s and the '70s decade, when orange ruled the rooms. Granted, it would be overkill to have too much bright orange in a living space and most of these examples went overboard. But isn't it cheerier to have a pop of this sunny shade versus seeing white everywhere? Well, as a retro loving gal I certainly think so, and I'm sure most of my readers do, too. So here's a little collection of images I've dug up that highlight the popularity of orange; shades when viewing optional...












Purrfect for just lion around (heh heh heh...see what I did there?) This is from a 1972 Spiegel catalog (the year I was born.)


Is this supposed to be a sofa, bed, instant conversation pit, or all three? It appears to be part of the home since it has a built-in electrical outlet, but it's one of the coolest things I've seen. What's up with the hose, though? I guess you had to live in the '70s to know for sure.



I love the handbag phone and the fish.



Say what you want, but this sure beats the pink bathrooms that were popular during the 1950s.

The Good Vibrations of Josh Isn't

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Since launching Go Retro a good decade ago I receive many requests on a fairly regular basis from artists, musicians, businesses, and the like asking for free publicity on this site. You've probably noticed I've barely mentioned anyone through the years and there's a good reason for it: many of them simply aren't that talented. (Ouch, I know. But true.)

However, when Josh Isn't reached out to me a few weeks ago and invited me to listen to some of his recorded tracks, I immediately KNEW he was more than deserving of someone sharing some love for him. Josh is a very talented young man and, as I told him in my reply to him, a bonafide double whammy: he looks a lot like John Lennon and sings more than an awful lot like one of the Wilson brothers...as in Brian, Dennis, and Carl Wilson of the Beach Boys. For real. In fact, if you close your eyes while listening to him you'd swear you were hearing the BBs themselves.


For example, Josh took the 1962 Bobby Vee classic "Take Good Care of My Baby" (written by Carole King and Gerry Goffin) and gave it a Beach Boys-esque makeover. Have a listen, and let me know what you think!



I know, right? Amazing vocals and arrangement! And as you can see, he plays all instruments on the cover.

The Cleveland-based Josh Isn't (his last name actually isn't Isn't, ha ha, but Perelman-Hall) credits the Beatles for sparking his passion for '60s music. As a young teen until high school graduation he soaked up all things Beatles, and the Fab Four inspired him to learn guitar as well as several other instruments. He also fell in love with the 1950s doo-wop sound (as evident in his song choice above) but it was one particular album by the Beach Boys that really inspired his music career.

"It took me until the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college to find out that The Beatles weren't the only group inspired by these songs," he told me. "The Beach Boys totally fit the bill for me, and hearing Pet Sounds changed my entire view of music. I identified with Brian Wilson and his desire to be creative within the confines of pop music. From then on, I knew that I had to spend my life making music, and that my goal would be to use creativity in the music the same way The Beach Boys had."

Josh hasn't recorded an album yet, but he's obviously well on his way. Here's a few other tunes he's given the BB treatment to, including his latest cover of John Legend's "All of Me", which also contains some nice shades of his doppleganger, John Lennon, as well:




Did I mention that Josh is only 22 years old? So there's proof that many millennials are doing more constructive things then taking the Tide Pod challenge!

Josh isn't sure if any of the Beach Boys have heard his music but of course, hopes that one day they will. He doesn't have an official site yet, but you can follow Josh and his latest releases on his YouTube channel and Facebook page. Here's how Josh describes himself, by the way:

Who is Josh Isn't? Josh Isn't is a 22 year old musician and video creator, taking much of his inspiration from the sounds of the 1960s, especially groups such as The Beatles and The Beach Boys. He uploads videos to his YouTube channel, all of which are creative covers with an accompanying video of him singing and playing all (well, most) of the instruments himself. 

I hope my Go Retro readers out there will give Josh a listen and follow his channels for his latest updates. When he makes the big time you can say you saw and heard him here first! I wish him all the success in the world and believe he has a very bright career ahead of him. I can't wait to hear what he records next.

In Praise of Mayonnaise

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May 5th is best known as Cinco de Mayo, but it also happens to be National Mayonnaise Day (mayo...get it?), a "holiday" that doesn't quite have the same notoriety as National Doughnut Day, National Chocolate Day, or any other of the bunch of food days that social media has taken to recognizing during the past decade or so. 

We do have a National Condiment Day, but in my opinion mayonnaise deserves some standalone love. Why? Well, because it's tasty, it elevates your sandwich eating experience to a whole new level, and it's something of a technological wonder in the food world. 

And, as if you couldn't tell, I love mayonnaise. Many people don't know this, but it's a condiment I could easily overdo and would put on a lot more foods if I wasn't concerned what people would think of me. I've heard that the Germans put mayo on their fries, which gets a big ja and thumbs up from me. And when I read Fergie's (the princess, not the singer) autobiography that came out in the 1990s, I distinctly remember her confession that one of her favorite guilty pleasure foods before her Weight Watchers transformation was potato chip and mayonnaise sandwiches, a delicacy which I confess I have not tried myself, but I have dipped chips directly into a mayo jar so I'm sure that counts. 

Also, mayonnaise wasn't truly invented during the 21st century like I thought it was. That's surprising, given the plethora of 1950s and 1960s recipes that featured it; it even got mixed into gelatin molds (which is where I draw the line with my love of the creamy condiment.)


In fact, mayonnaise is quite the vintage recipe, with origins dating back to the 18th century. According to the Hellman's website, mayonnaise was invented by the Duke de Richelieu's chef in 1756 when his boss was busy defeating the Brits at Port Mahon in Spain. The chef was going to whip up a sauce of cream and eggs to add to a celebratory feast but upon realizing he was out of cream experimented with olive oil as a substitute. He called his recipe salsa mahonesa which evolved into the more French sounding mayonnaise. 

But not so fast; Wikipedia informs us that mayonnaise as a food name wasn't used until 1806 by Alexandre Viard, the author of a culinary encyclopedia. In that recipe version, aspic is used instead of an egg emulsion -- a deviation from the modern concoction we're used to. 

Some food historians theorize that mayonnaise grew out of the simplest form aioli, a combination of garlic and oil. Making mayonnaise from scratch is pretty straightforward; you add a bit of oil to egg yolks and whisk rapidly so that the combination emulsifies. Then adding lemon juice or vinegar is where the magic of food chemistry happens, with the acid helping to bind the mixture and turn it into the familiar creamy spread.

Hellman's, by the way, wasn't the first mass producer of commercial mayonnaise in the States. That honor goes to Amelia Schlorer, a Philadelphian who started selling her homemade recipe in glass jars in her family's grocery store in 1907. Schlorer's mayonnaise recipe was said to be the best among the community events and church functions she prepared food for.

Soon, the Schlorer Delicatessen Company and was mass producing her mayonnaise, later becoming Mrs. Schlorer's (now owned by a food label called Good Food, Inc.) An advertising jingle heard in the greater Philadephia area during the next few decades helped popularize her brand -- and the use of mayonnaise (and may have also inspired more men to make their own sandwiches.)


Hellman's mayonnaise came along a few years after Schlorer's success. It was first sold in 1913 out of Richard Hellman's New York deli. When its popularity began to take off he sold the deli and opened up a mayonnaise factory in 1915. Sales skyrocketed a few years later when the New York Tribune declared his brand of mayonnaise the best and noted its high concentration of oil. 

By the mid century it seems mayonnaise had taken off in popularity and was being used in everything from dips to fried chicken. (I've also seen, but have not tried, chocolate cake recipes that call for mayonnaise as one of the ingredients.) Mayonnaise is also much loved in other countries, with Europe, Japan, Russia, and Chili among the world's top mayo connoisseurs. Japan's most popular mayonnaise brand is Kewpie, featuring that iconic vintage doll (on the bottle, not in the mayonnaise, ha ha) and is made with apple and malt vinegars which I've heard gives it a different taste than American brands.

Now...what to say of Miracle Whip?

Do you love or loathe mayonnaise? Have you found a creative use for it in a recipe? Share your thoughts below and let me know!

A Song's Story #7: Tainted Love

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Some songs seem so ingrained in the decade in which they were recorded that it may come as a surprise to discover they're actually a cover version of an older song. Such was the case with Soft Cell's "Tainted Love", released in 1981. Given that we were hearing a lot of New Wave and/or British hits on the U.S. charts in the '80s, I assumed that the song was written at that time. It actually originated around the time of Beatlemania and Motown (don't blame me -- I can't be an expert on everything about the 20th century; I started this blog to learn as much as my readers!)

Yep, we've all been living a lie..."Tainted Love" was recorded by Gloria Jones in 1964 and released in 1965 as the B-side of her single "My Bad Boy's Comin' Home." Both songs were considered commercial flops -- and it probably didn't help that "Tainted Love" was regulated to the B-side. It was written by Ed Cobb, a songwriter and music producer that went on to write or co-pen other hits such as "Dirty Water" by the Standells and "Heartbeat" by Gloria Jones. Cobb originally offered "Tainted Love" to the Standells, but they passed on it.

Jones, by the way, is often most known for being the girlfriend of T. Rex frontman Marc Bolan up until his death in an automobile accident 1977 (Jones was driving the car and suffered severe injuries.) She was a member of T. Rex during the mid '70s and had a son with Bolan. But she also had serious songwriting chops, composing hits for The Supremes, Junior Walker, Gladys Knight and the Pips, and many other entertainers.

Although "Tainted Love" failed to get any attention or airplay when it was first released, it found new life as a nightclub standard during the Northern Soul music craze of England in the 1970s. In fact the song was so popular among the Northern Soul crowd that Jones was declared the "Northern Queen of Soul."

It was sometime during this time that Marc Almond, Soft Cell's lead singer, heard the song and expressed interest in recording a cover version. The band's producer, Mike Thorne, wasn't impressed with Jones' version; he considered it too "frantic" and more suited for a dance floor. So the song and tempo was slowed down and recorded in a different key to pair better with Almond's voice.

As most of us know, the cover version was a huge hit, released as an A-side single in 1981 and reaching number one on the UK charts fairly rapidly (the highest it reached on the U.S. charts was number eight by 1982.) Extended versions of the song included a section of the Supremes' "Where Did Our Love Go."

After discovering Jones' version, I honestly have to say I prefer it over Soft Cell's. It has a jaunty Motown beat to it that is very reminiscent of "Good Thing" by the Fine Young Cannibals. And the original music video of Soft Cell's version is just plain bizarre and creepy. It seems the little girl in the video is perhaps the slave's/servant's child and the lead singer is taking out his woman's unfaithfulness on the innocent girl? Well, we'll never figure the '80s out. The re-released 1991 music video is not much better.

The newfound popularity of "Tainted Love" led to more cover versions including one by Marilyn Manson and has also been sampled in Rihanna's "SOS."

Here's Jones' version followed by Soft Cell's...let me know which one you prefer!




When Ladies Wore Gloves...Everywhere

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Image via Retromusings
A good friend recently returned from a business trip, only to get struck down with some kind of bug or virus the day after. My initial thought was, "If only we were living in the 1950s this may not have happened."

That's because there was a time when women wore gloves everywhere, even during the warmer months and while traveling; hence, there was a little bit of added protection against picking up a cold or flu virus.

Needless to say, someone walking around today constantly wearing gloves -- especially during the summer  -- would be seen as a little cuckoo. But during the 1940s and '50s, gloves were an important fashion accessory for women. They weren't just sported on Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's but at parties, shops, church, job interviews, the theater, and other places.


In fact, the trend didn't completely die off in some parts of the world after the 1950s -- I found the following comment on Quora speaking about ladies and gloves in the UK:

The practice of smart, conservative women routinely wearing gloves in public was common in my part of England up to the 1970s, and had not completely vanished in the mid 1980s. They were regarding as an essential part of a well groomed woman’s engagement with the outside world. My wife, born in 1955, had a pair of gloves for every outfit - long gloves for evenings and concerts, leather gloves to go with country tweeds, nylon for town suits, and short white cotton gloves to go with summer dresses. These were not absolute rules, and they were for show rather than for warmth. Gloves were usually matched with hats, handbags and footwear, but white was a safe default option. On leaving the house, a lady slipped on her gloves as routinely as her outdoor shoes. 

The history of gloves, of course, stretches much farther back than the decade of rock and roll and poodle skirts. Something I recently learned is that scented gloves -- perfumed with flower and herbal essences -- were popular in Europe during the 1600s and 1700s (hey, anything to cover up the stench of body odor.) By the 1950s, however, they were available and worn in an array of colors and styles to suit any outfit and setting.


I found the following brochure on glove etiquette at the site Retrowaste. It was produced by a company called Paris Gloves, a Canadian company founded in 1939 which is still in business today. Note that it says gloves should stay on when shaking hands -- a good way to deter unwanted germs.


Ah, there seems to be so many rules here. For example:

Gloves must always be removed before eating, drinking, smoking, playing cards or putting on makeup.

When lunching in a restaurant, a lady removes her coat but keeps on her hat and gloves, removing her gloves when seated at the table.

At dances, long gloves would be part of a lady’s ensemble and as such, kept on. The glove fingers should be tucked into the opening at the wrist while smoking or drinking, and the gloves removed entirely immediately upon sitting at the table.

When gloves are worn merely as a covering for the hands (such as heavy winter gloves), they should be removed with the coat.

It seems obvious that daytime gloves as an accessory fell out of practice due to the inconvenience of them (you leave them on when sitting down at a table, but then take them off when the food arrives...ah, such confusion) as well as changing social norms and clothing styles as we headed into the swinging 1960s. Still, that didn't stop Emma Peel from sporting them once in a while...


So maybe they're impractical and unusual by today's standards (no one can text or swipe with them unless the gloves were designed for mobile device usage), but it is fun to look at advertisements and images from when they were used to complete a woman's ensemble. I also leave you with this parting comment from the same gentleman who answered someone's question on Quora about why they fell out of fashion:

Why do customs, fashions and traditions fall from favour? Who knows -- I guess things just reach a point where there is more kudos in ignoring them than in observing them. It does seem a shame, however, that a whole generation of young men have grown up without experiencing the ineffable pleasure of helping fasten the mousquetiere buttons on the wrist of a lady’s opera glove.

The following 1950s and 1960s Van Raalte glove advertisements were posted on Retromusings:





The Somewhat Forgotten Beatles Cartoon Series

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Note: this post contains affiliate links. Affiliate Links allow the blog owner to earn commissions on relevant retro-themed products she thinks her readers may have an interest in. 

When it comes to the Beatles' entire franchise, the animated ABC series The Beatles is like the lone kid sitting by himself at the lunch table. Most Beatlemaniacs despise the cartoon and consider it to be not much more than ill-conceived malarkey. Yet, I think there's a few reasons why The Beatles deserves at least a little respect, especially when the 50th anniversary of its 1965 debut on American television received zero attention.

The Beatles themselves may be the number one reason why any mention of the series was absent from The Beatles Anthology documentary (at least the edited version that aired on ABC) and has never been issued on DVD or VHS, despite being owned by Apple. That's because the group pretty much loathed the way they were depicted, especially their voices, not to mention the goofy plot lines. But more on all that in a moment. 

We all know by now that The Beatles were the number one band by 1964 and that their superstar status meant there was money to be made by lending their names and likenesses to several marketing tie-ins. There were Beatles dolls, the Beatles Flip Your Wig board game, Beatles lunchboxes, Beatles hairspray, Beatles bubblegum, and even Beatles nylon stockings (which I happen to own a pair of) just to name a few licensed products.

Given the critical and box office success of A Hard Day's Night, which enabled a multitude of fans to see their favorite band on the big screen when seeing them in concert wasn't an option, it only made sense that an animated series based on the Fabs would eventually be proposed. That Liverpudlian cheekiness and perpetual sense of fun that The Beatles always seemed to emanate, even during media interviews, seemed to be a natural fit for a cartoon series.


American film and TV producer Al Brodax became enamored with the idea of an animated series of The Beatles after watching the band perform on The Ed Sullivan Show. Brodax had previously produced a series of Popeye shorts for television in the early '60s, which were purposely kept brief so that several of them could be made quickly and aired consistently. These shorts are considered by Popeye fans to be low quality as a result, and a blemish on the franchise. Brodax also produced a revival of Krazy Kat as well as Casper the Friendly Ghost, Beetle Bailey, and several other animated series. 

Brian Epstein, The Beatles' manager, agreed to let ABC and Brodax create a series for American viewers but he never wanted the show aired to viewers in the UK. He felt that the silly depictions of the band, cheesy plot lines, and somewhat primitive animation was disrespectful of the group. In fact, episodes of the series didn't make its way to the UK until the 1980s...a good decade after the band split up.

And that is why the show to this day is much maligned by many Beatles fans. The biggest issue most people have with it is the inaccuracy of the voices given to John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Much as it would have been nice to hear the actual Beatles voice the animated versions of themselves, it just wasn't feasible at the time given their hectic touring and recording schedule. So that meant that voice actors had to be hired for the show.

It may sound like four separate men voiced the characters but in fact it was only two. American actor Paul Frees voiced John and George while British actor Lance Percival of Paul and Ringo. Frees in particular was no slouch when it came to voicing animated characters; he did a ton of work for the Rankin-Bass stop motion TV specials, several Disney projects, and much more. Along with Mel Blanc, he was often referred to as "The Man of a Thousand Voices."

In my opinion, Ringo's animated voice sounds like it should have been used for George's...John's sounds more like an upper crust Brit...while Paul and George sound almost interchangeable to me.

According to Mitchell Axelrod, the author of Beatletoons: The Real Story Behind The Cartoon Beatles (so far the only published book about the show) the Beatles themselves were less than enamored when viewing and hearing their animated selves for the first time. According to Axelrod, during the screening Ringo Starr commented to Paul McCartney that he'd been made into a dummy while McCartney replied that his voice was way too high pitched (all the while Percival, who did both of their voices, sat embarrassingly between them.) John Lennon said the group had been turned into The Flintstones.

The Beatles at a screening of the series, looking less than pleased
 Also according to Axelrod, it wasn't completely accidental that less care was given to an accurate voice depiction. Brodax's choices for the Beatles' voices were intentional since he felt that children (and the series was aimed at the youngest of fans, after all) wouldn't be able to comprehend a Liverpudlian accent.

Despite this initial reaction from the band, the series was a ratings smash hit upon its September 25, 1965 TV debut. A total of 39 episodes were created and aired until 1969. Each is named after a Beatles tune and features two "singalong" songs (but without the red ball bouncing across the screen, another complaint from the Fab Four.)

And therein lies one of the redeeming features of these cartoons -- when a song is played, it's the actual one as sung by The Beatles. Also, the series was actually the first ever created that depicted real life people in animated form. It also set the stage for The Beatles' animated feature film Yellow Submarine released in 1969, which Brodax also worked on along with the same studio that did The Beatles.

Axelrod believes that there's real potential for Apple to capitalize a bit on The Beatles and review interest in the series, if only they would issue an official release on DVD (bootlegs have made their way to Beatles conventions.) As he pointed out in a 2015 interview, the simple animation isn't that far off from what many cartoon channels are creating today, and it would offer a chance for kids to get introduced to The Beatles' music. The cartoon has gained something of a cult following in recent years and bootlegs of program have made their way to Beatles conventions.

And yes, the story lines are pretty dopey with the boys usually thwarting female fans and getting themselves mixed up in all kinds of predicaments while their dialogue is punched with bad puns and some Brit speak that the Beatles themselves probably never actually said. Indeed, poor Ringo is usually portrayed as a very dim bulb and prone to trouble. But, it's a cartoon after all, and it was aimed at kids. 

Even the attitude of The Beatles themselves toward the series softened in later years, with Lennon remarking during an interview, "I still get a blast out of watching the Beatles cartoons on TV" and George Harrison admitting in 1999 that he "always kind of liked (the cartoons.) They were so bad or silly that they were good, if you know what I mean, and I think the passage of time might make them more fun now."

That seems to be the sentiment of the toons' current following (which may have been spurred by millennial-age fans); there are Tumblr pages dedicated to the series, memes that have been created, and curiously, McFarlane Toys released a box set of figurines modeled after the cartoon in 2004 that included an alligator, speakers, and radio (and they're not cheap!) Why an alligator? Because he was featured in a few of the episodes...most noticeably as a costume cover-up for lovesick female fans.



Hopefully one day the cartoon series will be officially released on DVD so that fans who do appreciate them will be able to add them to their Beatles collection. In the meantime, you can follow the Facebook page run by Mitch Alexrod for any developments on the series, and enjoy a few clips of the show below that are currently uploaded to YouTube.






Five Times The Muppet Show Creeped Me Out a Little

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Jim Henson was a genius -- no doubt about that -- but sometimes his puppetry ventured into mad genius territory. He took creative chances that revealed a bit of a dark side to his work, whether it was a series of commercials done for Wilkins coffee (where an early prototype of Kermit commits various acts of violence against another muppet because he won't drink the coffee brand) or his feature film The Dark Crystal which starred hideous looking creatures that were a stark departure from the cute and fuzzy Muppet Movie gang.

Which brings us to today's post. The Muppet Show had a few unsettling sequences that I still find weirdly wonderful 40 years after first viewing them. Actually, the popular muppet variety show of the '70s and '80s had many moments that could easily fit into this post, but here are the five that made me think a little bit, even at my tender age, and stuck with me all these years. Not many children's shows today will be able to say that decades from now.

1. Time In a Bottle

I was creeped out when I saw this sequence for the first time as a kid, and after watching it a second time 40 years later I must admit its potency hasn't diminished. Set to Jim Croce's classic ethereal hit "Time In a Bottle", it shows an elderly scientist getting progressively younger with each gurgling flask that he downsuntil...well, you can see for yourself. Sometimes the lesson is you gotta quit while you're ahead!


 
2. The Jabberwocky

I could appreciate Lewis Carroll's surreal poem when classmates read and acted it out in junior high, but as a kindergarten student The Muppet Show interpretation was a little scary, especially as the damn thing doesn't die even when its head gets sliced off!



3. The Stalagmite's Toothache

I bet you didn't know cave formations had teeth or could talk, but this was Jim Henson's world, and we were just watching it. This is by far one of the most out there and disturbing Muppet Show sequences, and I actually remember it being part of the 1978 episode that featured Alice Cooper as a guest star, which makes it all the more fitting.

The real kicker is the unsettling ending, which reveals the afflicted stalagmite is actually a tooth inside another stalagmite's mouth. Shudder.



4. The Windmills Of Your Mind

Without a doubt, the most frantic cover of the Noel Harrison/Dusty Springfield hit.



5. Mummenschanz

OK, this clip does not feature any of the muppets. But the Swiss mask/mime troupe, whose creative routines and use of props seem to be inspired by psychedelic drugs, are probably responsible for a few kids' nightmares in the '70s thanks to their appearances on American television.


The Ingenious Guinness "Guide To" Advertising Campaign

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If you follow any brands on social media, you've probably noticed that too many of them like to talk about themselves way too much. Their pages are often an endless stream of photos, memes, and promos shoving their product or service in front of your face in a one-way conversation. They're a lot like the obnoxious party guest you once met who talked nonstop about their life yet never asked you a single question about yours.

So when I saw the series of Guinness ads devised by the Ogilvy ad agency in the 1950s, I was a bit taken aback at how ahead of their time they were. At first glance, these ads -- which were conceived by David Ogilvy himself while he commuted home one evening in 1950 -- might seem a little confusing as they don't directly promote Guinness. And yet, that's the point and proves how ingenious they are.

Instead of directly highlighting the qualities of Guinness, Ogilvy decided to bring value to the customer by putting the spotlight on a variety of foods that Guinness compliments including oysters, cheese, and game meats. The result was an early example of content marketing and native advertising that delivered trivia and relevant information (oysters are packed with vitamins and minerals and their number-one enemy is starfish, for example.) It isn't until the bottom of the ad that we learn a bit about Guinness, which makes all oysters taste their best.

Even more ahead of its time, this particular ad was available via the Guinness company as a reprint, "suitable for framing." Since the ads didn't even look like advertising, but food guides, some restaurants took to tearing them from magazines and presenting them to patrons.

The Guinness Guide To Oysters ran in 1951; other "Guide To" ads were published in throughout the 1950s and '60s. All demonstrate that you don't have to directly talk about your product to make people interested in it. 

Ogilvy knew that advertising didn't have to just promote a product; it can be useful, sharable, and ultimately, memorable as the Guinness Guide To series proved. Here are the other ads in the series. Warning: they may give you a craving for certain types of food and Guinness.


Up, Up, and Awry: Cleveland's Disastrous 1986 Balloonfest

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It was 1986 and employees of the United Way of Cleveland -- who were fed up with their city's rather lackluster reputation -- decided that the best way to draw positive publicity would be to release 1.5 million balloons in the hopes of also breaking a world record. What could possibly go wrong?

Dubbed Balloonfest '86, it was intended to be a harmless fundraising publicity stunt that would help elevate Cleveland in the eyes of the American public as a happening city while raising money for the United Way, a nonprofit organization that provides aid to other nonprofits throughout the community.

The event was scheduled for September 27, 1986 (a Saturday, so that everyone could watch) with the logistics being coordinated by Balloonart by Treb of Los Angeles. The company's founder, Treb "the Balloon Man" Heining, had made a living out of organizing balloon drops for public events -- everything from presidential nominations to the Super Bowl. Just a year prior to Balloonfest '86, he had successfully released one million balloons over Disneyland in honor of the park's 30th anniversary.

Thousands of volunteers, including students, worked round the clock for hours leading up to the spectacle filling balloons with helium. The balloons were corralled in mesh netting in a structure set up on the southwest quadrant of Cleveland's Public Square.

Under normal weather conditions, helium-filled latex balloons will stay aloft until they eventually deflate and fall back to earth (or, according to some experts, will shatter into shards once they reach a height of approximately ten kilometers; no one knows for sure because no one has witnessed it.)

But apparently the organizers of Balloonfest -- despite telling the local news how much planning went into this event -- didn't watch the weather forecast for the day of the scheduled spectacle, or they didn't fully comprehend how changing weather could seriously affect their balloons.

Thousands of residents descended upon Public Square where they were interviewed by Big Chuck and Lil' John, a comedy duo who also hosted their own late-night horror movie show on a local Cleveland television station.


As a high pressure rain front system started advancing towards the city in the afternoon of September 27, organizers decided to release the balloons early. At 1:50 PM, nearly 1.5 million colorful balloons were freed from their mesh prison, ascending and swirling around Terminal Tower looking like the spilled contents of a 1980s Contac capsule.

Unfortunately, Cleveland was about to live up to one of its negative nicknames as "the mistake on the lake." Shortly after lift off the dark clouds looming over the city opened up, raining down on the balloons and forcing several of them to land on Lake Erie. The timing couldn't have been worse. The day before the event, two local men went missing on the lake during a fishing excursion. The plethora of multi-colored balloons bopping along the water made rescue efforts impossible for the coast guard, who couldn't distinguish any heads or life jackets among the multi-colored mess. Two days later, the bodies of the fishermen washed up on the shore.


And there were other dire consequences. The balloons caused traffic accidents, forced Burke Lakefront Airport to close a runway, and several horses to spook when some of them landed in their pasture. There were at least two lawsuits brought against the United Way of Cleveland as a result of their event: one by the widow of one of the deceased fishermen, and the other by the horses' owner.

Furthermore, it's hard to measure how much damage was done to the environment by the release of so many latex balloons. They mysteriously disappeared from Lake Erie the day after the event and if someone didn't retrieve them, that can only mean they got absorbed into the body of water. Many of the 1.5 million balloons ended up blowing north into Canada.

But hey, at least Cleveland did get listed in the 1988 edition of the Guinness Book Of World Records for the largest ever mass balloon release. That record was broken in 1994 when 1.7 million balloons were released over Wiltshire, England.

I think it's best if they just stick with their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Drew Carey, and LeBron James as their claims to fame.

Here's a look back at the doomed affair as compiled by The Atlantic:


10 Underrated Queen Songs in Honor of Freddie Mercury's Birthday

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Heads UP, peasants.

It's the Queen of Rock's birthday today!

So to celebrate what would have been Freddie Mercury's 72nd birthday, we're going to have a listen to ten underrated Queen songs (a tough one for me, because such a list can easily hold 50 tracks.)

But first, a funny thing happened to me about a month ago. A really funny thing, in fact. I became a huge Queen fan! I know, I know, I'm REALLY late to this party.

You'll have to forgive me, because while I knew all of Queen's hits (of course; who doesn't? And yes, before you can ask, of course I've seen Wayne's World.) I just never really paid attention to any clips of them performing live and didn't know the extent of their excellent musical catalog.

Honestly, it was the trailer for the upcoming Bohemian Rhapsody film that piqued my interest and finally made me look up what the big deal was over Freddie Mercury. OMG! How the heck could I have been so ignorant of this gorgeous man's talent and stage presence?

Anyways, better late than never.

Here are ten underrated songs by lead guitarist Brian May, bassist John Deacon, drummer Roger Taylor, and lead singer/frontman extraordinaire Farrokh Bulsara (aka Freddie Mercury) that show incredible songwriting range across genres and really deserved to chart higher -- or at all.

1. Keep Yourself Alive (1973)

The Brian May composition that kicked it all off...the very first track on Queen's very first album, Queen. And remarkably, this catchy rocker went nowhere on either side of the Atlantic.



2. Bring Back That Leroy Brown (1974)

Ragtime meets rock in a delightful ode to Jim Croce's most famous musical character (Croce died tragically the year before in a plane crash.)



3. Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy (1976)

Was this Mercury hinting about his sexual orientation ("Whatcha doing tonight, hey boy?")? Mercury simply said in an interview that it was his "ragtime mood." You be the judge, but I can attest that there are many female fans that would love to have him as their good old fashioned lover boy.



4.  Let Me Entertain You (1978)

After the success of "Bohemian Rhapsody" Queen started selling out bigger venues and adding pyrotechnics and effects to their shows. And Mercury was just as unapologetically unabashed with his stage get-ups that included tight pants, form fitting jumpsuits, leather, short shorts and more. He once referred to himself as a "Persian popinjay" and he never let his fans down with his over confident stage strutting, gyrating, and other moves.

It was an act, of course --  offstage, Mercury was said to be shy and quiet. He admitted to an interviewer once that he had created a monster and was expected to keep up that persona to please fans. "Let Me Entertain You" doesn't disappoint because it sums up what to expect at a Queen show back in the day and reminds us that Mr. Fahrenheit and the group never did anything half-assed.



5. Back Chat (1982)

Sadly for American fans, the group's 1982 album Hot Space was so poorly received by critics and listeners in the U.S. that they decided to stop touring there. It was a big departure from the rock sound fans were accustomed to, venturing instead into disco, funk, and New Wave -- the type of music flowing in gay clubs at the time.

No surprise that this different direction was Mercury's idea. May, Deacon, and Taylor reportedly hated this album and the songs on it. Yet I must confess I really like the tracks on Hot Space and applaud the attempt to capture the '80s pop sound. Apparently Michael Jackson did as well, because Hot Space inspired his Thriller album.

After the iconic hit "Under Pressure", "Back Chat" is one of the best songs on the album in my opinion.



6. Calling All Girls (1982)

Yes, I'm including two tracks from Hot Space because "Calling All Girls" got stuck in my head immediately after hearing it. Also if you've seen George Lucas' 1971 dystopian film THX 1138 you'll see the video was heavily influenced by the movie.



7. Pain is So Close to Pleasure (1986)

It sounds like something Smokey Robinson would have recorded in the '80s. Freddie does falsetto on this Motown influenced tune from the band's A Kind of Magic album.



8. The Miracle (1989)

Cuteness aside with the music video (which featured kids playing pint-sized versions of the band members), this is just a lovely song about the everyday beauty of our world, the cycle of life, and the dream most of us have for peace -- the ultimate miracle. May has said it's one of his favorite Queen songs, and it's easy to see why.



9. The Show Must Go On (1991)

A lot of people think this song, from Innuendo (the last Queen album recorded while Freddie was alive) alludes to Freddie's dedication to recording music even as his health was failing due to contracting HIV. That may be true, but for me the lyrics are a personal reminder of how we need to keep pressing on when faced with disappointments. Lovers will leave, friends will betray you, and jobs may be taken from you. However, the show...YOUR show...must go on. I kind of think of this song's message as a prelude to the triumphant "We Are the Champions" in a way.

Note: this isn't the official video below, but it does showcase Freddie's sexy ways with his trademark broken microphone stand and incredible stage presence. A man that could keep thousands of fans enthralled in the palm of his hand during each show for sure.



10. Too Much Love Will Kill You (1995)

The first time I heard this song, I cried. Partly because the lyrics are so poignant and true and partly because the version featuring Freddie on vocals was released a few years after his death. Brian May wrote and recorded it as his first marriage was ending.



Fortunately, there are not too many other Queen songs that make me reach for a tissue. Their music is empowering and uplifting.

Happy Birthday, Freddie!

via GIPHY

What Queen songs would you include on your underrated list?

The Curious Case of Freddie Mercury's Teeth

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Do a search on Freddie Mercury, and one of the first auto-fill suggestions that Google will give you is "freddie mercury teeth." It seems Freddie's famous overbite was just as legendary as the man himself, and the story that's been told countless times about his mouth is that it contained four extra teeth.

Many people claim all four of them were on the top jaw and that these teeth were responsible for pushing out his front ones into a prominent overbite. According to Queen folklore, Freddie didn't want to have the extra teeth removed or try to have the overbite fixed because he was worried doing so could possibly change the sound and range of his voice.

But, after diving deeper into this story as well as viewing numerous photos and videos showing Freddie's teeth, I'm not so sure that four extra teeth actually existed. Like so many other facets of Freddie's personal life, it's hard to know what is and isn't true.

So, if you can bear with an unusual post from a rabid Queen fan, here's what we do (and don't know) about Freddie Mercury's teeth.

Freddie's Complicated Relationship With His Teeth

First, let me say that I personally don't see anything "wrong" or unattractive about Freddie Mercury's teeth. For starters, I have an overbite myself that is very similar to his. My two front teeth are a little on the large side and I have slight spaces between some of my front teeth. Before I became a huge fan of his, sometimes I didn't like the way my teeth looked, and I even contemplated getting Invisalign at some point to correct the slight gaps.

Then I became a Queen fan and realized if Freddie was comfortable smiling and opening his mouth wide while singing, I didn't have anything to feel self conscious about.

And therein lies a contradiction about how Freddie felt about his smile and what he showed us on the stage. Freddie Mercury seemed to have had a complicated relationship with his teeth. According to Rami Malek, who played him in Bohemian Rhapsody, Freddie was cruelly called "Bucky" by schoolmates because of his teeth.

Sometimes he would bring his upper lip down to try to cover them and during several interviews he puts his hand up to his mouth to try to hide his teeth when something makes him laugh hard.

via GIPHY


Numerous people who were close to Freddie have said that he was really self conscious about the overbite. But on stage and in music videos, he had no qualms about opening his mouth wide and even throwing his head back to unleash that astounding voice that sounded like it was summoned directly from the gods.

via GIPHY

BUT...we do know that Freddie said many times that his stage persona and the real him were not the same person. He was very confident and extroverted while performing while sometimes a little shy away from the spotlight. Nonetheless, the fabulous teeth were always on full display when he was singing.

And, there are plenty of photos of him online smiling and you can't really tell from a majority of these pictures that there was something different about his teeth. The overbite really isn't all that noticeable except in a handful of them, and it's not necessarily an overbite I consider unattractive (I've seen much worse.) In fact, I've only seen maybe three or four photos showing him smiling in such a way that it makes his front teeth look especially prominent and two of them are from his childhood and teen years. It's also as if his front teeth were oversized but then he grew into them as he matured into adulthood.


The infamous mustache, in my opinion, also worked extremely well for him and helped "hide" the overbite.

Two "Extra" Bottom Teeth?

In the movie Bohemian Rhapsody, Freddie reveals to Roger Taylor and Brian May shortly upon meeting them that he has four extra incisors. "More space in my mouth means more range," he tells them.

Only we don't know if he really did have four extra incisors. One thing I did spot from watching music videos is he had two noticeable teeth on the bottom that are out of place. They're right in front of the row of bottom teeth. Below is a screenshot for Queen's "Headlong" video where you can really see them.


At first I thought, "Cool! This does seem to confirm the extra teeth story." (And they make him look like a sexy vampire.) Unfortunately, those two teeth may not be extra ones but simply two misplaced ones that didn't have room to go where they were supposed to go. When I posted the screenshot to Quora at least one dental hygienist and another person who may have been a dentist said they were misplaced teeth due to crowding. The clue is that he has a bicuspid right next to the four bottom middle teeth.

Further complicating the extra teeth theory is a fan on a Queen Facebook group page I belong to said they read that Freddie had all four of his wisdom teeth (I didn't ask them where they read it, but perhaps it's in a biography.) His mouth was large enough and the wisdom teeth came in straight so he didn't have to have them removed (fun fact! This is another teeth trait I have in common with my favorite performer.)

So, while wisdom teeth aren't considered "extra" teeth (although many adults need to have theirs extracted) it's possible this factoid got twisted into the "four extra teeth" story that circulates about Freddie to this day.

And it's also still possible that Freddie did have extra teeth in the back on top in addition to the two wisdom teeth up there. Photos and videos I've seen so far don't show anything "extra" on top but we're not seeing all of the way back in his mouth, so who knows.

Having extra teeth is a real dental condition, by the way. It's known as hyperdontia and the extra teeth are called supernumerary ones. As it can be a genetic condition, some sources have speculated that Freddie inherited it from his mother's side of the family (if he did indeed have it.)

Freddie's Fear of the Dentist

So, you would think that if you're the biggest rock star on the planet and you're VERY concerned about wanting to keep all of your teeth to maintain your voice, that you would be going to the very best dentist in London every six months for a cleaning and check-up, right?

Not when it came to Freddie Mercury. 

Something that I recently learned about Freddie that really surprised me is that he had a dental phobia. I suspect a lot of it had to do with the braces he wore as a kid on his teeth that were described as "painful" by at least one biography on him.

It could also be he was worried a dentist would try to start to fix his overbite while he was sedated having other work done. People who are afraid of going to the dentist may also don't like the loss of control they feel while they're held sort of captive in the dentist's chair.

Whatever the reason, it kind of blew my mind to learn that poor Freddie was terrified of the dentist. He even says so in this scanned Q&A page I found online that came from 16 magazine (check out his answer to what his greatest fear is.) Never mind that local anesthetic and laughing gas were readily available in the '70s and '80s.

And...uh-oh; look at what he answered for "favorite foods." That's not a good idea, Fred! 


Roger Taylor (who, ironically, was about to study dentistry when Queen was formed) also says in a documentary that he believes it was fear that kept Freddie from looking into fixing his overbite.

Despite all this (and a heavy smoking habit starting in the early '80s...!!!) the man had what was absolutely pristine (and white!) looking teeth. There's no visible cavities or even any dental work in any video of him singing or photos showing his mouth open wide. Perhaps his at-home oral care was exemplary so that he could avoid visiting a dentist.

However, even with the best of dental hygiene, we still need to see a dentist every six months just to make sure everything is OK...

A Toothache Catapults the Sex Pistols' Career

Freddie's refusal to see a dentist regularly for check-ups caught up with him not long after the success of Queen's career changing masterpiece, "Bohemian Rhapsody." On December 1, 1976 the band was due to appear on Tonight With Bill Grundy (a London daytime talk show.)

Poor Freddie, however, had developed a toothache and had to make an emergency dental visit—the first time in 15 years he sat in a dentist's chair, according to several music websites that have talked about this story. Queen canceled on short notice and EMI, who also represented the Sex Pistols, sent them as a replacement.

What followed that day is worthy of its own blog post, but the profanity-laced interview, which wasn't helped by a drunken Grundy egging band members on, soon cost the TV host his career. The Sex Pistols, on the other hand, gained notoriety from the controversial exchange.

My fellow Queen fans probably know the story of how Sid Vicious later instigated Freddie by asking him if he had succeeded in "bringing ballet to the masses yet" during a confrontation in the recording studio one day between the two bands. Freddie called him Simon Ferocious and asked him what he was going to do about it before grabbing him by the lapels, and shoving him out the door. (Vicious should have been more grateful for Freddie's bad tooth and twist of fate.)

Was the hot tooth pulled or did Freddie receive a root canal? I'm guessing it was the former...because in photos from the '80s, he doesn't appear to be missing any teeth.


The Whole Tooth and Nothing But the Tooth

So, did Freddie Mercury really have four extra teeth? I think the bottom line is we really don't know for sure.

Had he been seeing a dentist regularly throughout his career only that person would be able to confirm anything for us. It doesn't appear that Freddie had extra teeth from numerous photos and videos, but a dentist would have seen his entire mouth. Unfortunately, Freddie is not here to tell us the truth, either.

Despite numerous people saying in documentaries that he did have extra teeth, there isn't an interview I've come across yet with Freddie either on film or audio confirming it for sure. So far the only quote I found regarding him speaking about his teeth is that he planned on having the overbite fixed when he had the time and..."other than that, I'm perfect."

What we do know is that he was an exceptionally attractive man and his teeth totally add to his uniqueness and hotness.

Would having the overbite fixed have really altered his signing voice? Many doctors and dentists have speculated no. In fact, this voice teacher goes into great detail to explain the body's anatomy that forms our voice and believes had Freddie got his teeth fixed, it would have had little to no impact on his singing voice. Whatever phobia Freddie had about having his overbite corrected was apparently in his mind.

For now the truth about Freddie's four extra teeth remains a mystery.

10 Underrated Elton John Songs

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Ever since I saw Rocketman earlier this summer, I haven't stopped thinking about the movie. It truly hit my heart like no other film has in years. Even though Elton John's music was the soundtrack of my childhood and teen years (the '70s and '80s, respectively) I'm a little ashamed to admit that there were a lot of songs in his vast catalog that I had never heard before. I've truly enjoyed making up for lost time and discovering so many brilliant compositions that never charted or were minor hits when compared to his mega chart-toppers such as "Your Song", "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", "Bennie and the Jets", "Honky Cat", "I'm Still Standing", and countless others. Well, better late than never.

Rocketman really did rock me to my core—I hope to write a proper review before the movie is released to Blu-Ray and DVD on August 27 (you can download it digitally next week on August 6.) I just had no clue that the cool dude with the splashy duds whose music videos and performances I grew up watching struggled with so much personally. And at the heart of this movie is his enduring relationship with Bernie Taupin, who's been his lyricist for over 50 years. The mutual respect and kindness these two men have had for each other from the get-go is conveyed beautifully in this movie. #FriendshipGoals for sure.

In the meantime, immersing myself in all things Elton has inspired me to come out of blogger hiatus (I haven't updated this site since January!) and list ten of what I believe are his most underrated songs. When pulling these lists together I always try to make them about songs that never charted or ones that didn't chart very high, but should have. And I'm not embarrassed to admit I have a huge crush on the man who used to go by Reginald (Reggie) Kenneth Dwight (I even drew a portrait of him)...besides being absolutely adorable, his personality and sense of humor in so many interviews I've been watching is enchanting! Elton also recently announced his 29th anniversary of sobriety—congratulations, Elton, and thank you for sharing your story and letting us know that it's never impossible to overcome deep-settled insecurities and change your life around.

Here are ten underrated Elton John songs that I adore.

1. Skyline Pigeon (1969)
Originally released on Elton's debut 1969 album Empty Sky, this particular version features Elton playing a harpsichord instead of a piano. If you saw the movie The Favourite, you'll recognize this one from the closing credits.

Elton told Rolling Stone magazine in 2013 that Skyline Pigeon "was the first good song Bernie and I ever wrote." He's the only musician on this track, taking full credit for the vocals and playing harpsichord and an overdubbed organ.

A beautiful and melancholy tune about yearning for freedom, the song was performed by Elton at Ryan White's funeral. He was the Indiana teenager who contracted AIDS from a blood transfusion in the '80s and was mercilessly shunned and teased by his classmates, school officials, and townspeople until his mother moved him and the family to another town.

Elton became very close to Ryan and his mother, even taking him to Disneyland and pushing his wheelchair around himself for the entire day. He later said that Ryan's passing is what inspired him to go to rehab and conquer his addictions.



2. "I Think I'm Going to Kill Myself" (1972) 
Can a song about a teen who wants to commit suicide because he's not getting enough attention be funny? Maybe I just have a dark sense of humor. "I Think I'm Going to Kill Myself", from the Honky Chateau album, is sung by the point of view of a moody teenager who is "getting bored being part of mankind." It's so upbeat it's impossible to resist...to the point that it did actually stop one person who commented on the video on YouTube that hearing it put them in a good mood and they forgot about killing themselves (they also add, "I am now the world's newest Elton John fan.")

The irony here is that Elton tried to kill himself at least twice (sticking his head in an oven because he was engaged to a girl to cover up his sexuality...an incident that inspired "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" and his swimming pool incident which is depicted in the movie. Elton says that second episode was more a cry for help, as he knew the pills he took weren't really going to kill him. Thank goodness both attempts failed.)

And the thing is, "I Think I'm Going to Kill Myself" is all the more relevant today, with our society's rampant social media and internet addiction.


3. "All the Young Girls Love Alice" (1973)
There's two theories about what inspired this track from Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. One is that it has to do with Alice Cooper and his legion of young female groupies in the '70s. But the more likely explanation is that it's about a lesbian sharing her cookies with other women. Either way, "All the Young Girls Love Alice" is a rocker in the same vein as "Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting"—and pretty heavy subject matter to cover musically in the early '70s.


4. "Part-Time Love" (1978)
This track from A Single Man climbed only to number 21 in the U.S. on the Billboard Hot 100 (and to number 13 on the Cash Box Top 100) and should have been much higher. Just a catchy tune about people having other partners on the side...too controversial, it seems, for the Soviets at the time—they banned the song when the album was released there. The following year, Elton would do a historic tour in the U.S.S.R. Gary Osbourne wrote the lyrics for this one.


5. "Victim of Love" (1979)
You knew that Elton John released a disco album, didn't you? You didn't? Well, Victim of Love—which is Elton's shortest album—is widely considered by many fans to also be one of his worst. It was released just as disco's spinning ball was slowing down (but so what? That didn't stop Queen from releasing their funk/dance/New Wave album Hot Space a few years later in 1982.) It received no promotion and is one of his worst selling records. But does that mean it's truly awful?

This album and the title track gets a lot of hate from many Elton fans. I personally think it's a very enjoyable record, even though Bernie had nothing to do with it (and neither did Elton other than providing his vocals.) Elton defended the project in one of the many books written about him, saying he simply wanted to make a record that people could dance to the whole way through. And the song "Victim of Love" is getting a lot of attention from newer fans because a snippet of it was used in the movie.

Elton has never played any of the tracks from Victim of Love live, and he did very little to promote it, but I still think the title song is contagious—I can easily listen to it over and over again, and it seems he even changed his voice to fit the tone.


6. "Blue Eyes" (1982) 
OK, this gorgeous ballad from the Jump Up LP was a hit in the U.S. and UK, but oddly enough, I never heard it before in my life until recently. Don't ask me how I missed this gem, which was dedicated to Elton's friend Elizabeth Taylor (whose eyes are really violet.) I just ignore that factoid...as I have blue eyes, I like to pretend it's for me. Ha ha!

Although the official video that was filmed on the Australian coast is beautiful, I'm more partial to the second video below which was filmed when Elton performed the song on Top of the Pops. Look at how long and lush his eyelashes are...and those sexy looks he keeps giving to the camera. His voice was as smooth as dark chocolate here. Oh, Elton...



7. "Who Wears These Shoes" (1984)
This track from Breaking Hearts reached number 16 in the States, not fairing quite as well as "Sad Songs (Say So Much)". The song is just contagious to me, and the extended version I'm including below is just as good if not better!

The music video gets a lot of criticism for some reason...this was the '80s, kiddos. And we loved it!



8. "Act of War" (1985)
This song from Elton's 1985 album Ice on Fire—which gave us the hit "Nikita"—was ignored in the U.S. (and only reached number 32 on the UK charts) despite being a rock-filled duet with Millie Jackson. Tina Turner was originally approached to partner with Elton but for reasons unknown, turned it down. That's OK, because Jackson certainly has the powerful singing chops to pull this one off, as she and Elton argue back and forth using Taupin's battle-inspired lyrics as the metaphor for a rocky relationship.

Don't forget the '80s was towards the end of the Cold War, when nuclear threat was still seen as a possibility by the Russians. I love everything about the music video for the song—including, of course, Elton's hat and jacket—although it's disconcerting to me that President Ronald Reagan wanted to "get them" (Elton and Millie) in 60 seconds.


9. "Wrap Her Up" (1986)
Another overlooked track from the same album, "Wrap Her Up" features George Michael singing falsetto throughout most of the song, so much so he later told Smash Hits magazine that he sounded like "I had my willy in a garotte."

Most of the female viewers who comment on this video are all over the fact that George Michael is briefly in it, which seems a little unfair to Elton. I'm not a fan of Elton's mullet in this one (proof that everyone in the '80s had one at one point) but I do like how they made it look like he was inserted into vintage film and press clips featuring notable female Hollywood legends.



10. "Original Sin" (2001)
A young Mandy Moore plays out my fantasy in the music video for "Original Sin", a lovely song from Elton's Songs From the West Coast album as Glinda the Good Witch transports her to a 1970s' Elton concert where she's welcomes by celebrities such as Cher, Sonny Bono, Liza Minelli, and Bette Midler.

The only kind of weird thing to get past is that Elton is playing her father in the video (albeit he's supposed to be an American married to Elizabeth Taylor) so essentially it's like she has a crush on her dad.


Of course we're talking about Elton here which means there are dozens more songs that could be added to this list, but these are just my personal top ten underrated compositions. Which ones by the one and only Rocketman would you add?

The Update I Owe All of You

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Hello, my dear readers. 

 

I'm BACK.

 

Did you miss your favorite retro gal? I missed you. 

 

Last week or the week before I resumed posting to the blog's Facebook page, so feel free to head over there and like/follow it to catch up with even more retro goodness. 

 

To answer the question on everyone's mind, 2020 was a hell of a year for me (although ultimately, it could have ended up much worse.) I guess that seems to have been the norm for the year in general. But although it was my most challenging year yet in my 49 (as of today) years on earth, it also proved to be my most rewarding. 

 

The short version is my mother passed away back in May. I lived with her and was her primary caretaker. I didn't know where I was going to end up living. The only source of income I was making the past few years came from freelance writing work that fluctuated like crazy. I couldn't really get a job outside of the home—even a part-time one—because the last few years were filled with numerous medical appointments and eventually surgeries. I was the only one she could depend upon to take her to these appointments, not to mention do the grocery shopping, yard work, pay bills, and everything else that goes along with taking care of an elderly family member. 

 

I had to get some kind of steady, W2 job fast. So over the summer I actually interviewed for a retail job very close by. I still have it and still enjoy it, believe it or not. My coworkers are great and the environment reminds me a lot of when I worked in the hospitality industry many moons ago. 

 

Yeah, it's minimum wage but it's a job. It helped me get pre-approved for a mortgage. I still squeeze in my freelance writing work every week for extra money. 

 

No, all of it is nowhere near what I used to make in the corporate world. But for now, it works for me, and it was exactly what I needed. It got me out of the house and interacting with people again—two things I hadn't realized I missed. 

 

I found the most perfect apartment in my town and will be moving into it next month. Renting is the best option for me right now because the housing market is extremely competitive right now, especially in my neck of the woods. My hours at the store also took a dip right after the holidays which is the norm in the business. They're supposed to pick up again later by March. 


Things were scary and lonely. But I have no doubt both my parents are up there watching out for me. Everything just started to work out and fall into place. 


I also just didn't have any time to devote to the blog or the Facebook page these past few years while my mother took priority. I'm in the middle of moving, but once I'm settled into the new digs and get back into a routine, I'm itching to update the blog more regularly. I already have a few posts in mind. 

 

2021 is going to be a much better year. I can feel it. Come along with me for the retro ride! 

 

I hope all of you are doing well. 


Angela Lansbury's Positive Moves Workout Video

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Image via Kelly Robinson on Medium

Dame Angela Lansbury passed away at the age of 96 earlier this week, and while she's going to be remembered most for her amazing stage, film, and television career, I've been finding myself delighted by her 1980s workout video called Angela Lansbury's Positive Moves: My Personal Plan for Fitness and Well-Being. 


Yes, the Murder She Wrote star followed in the footsteps of Debbie Reynolds by releasing a workout tape presumably aimed at women of a certain age, although the moves Lansbury demonstrates can benefit anyone. Some moments are amusing, such as when Lansbury introduces us to "land swimming", an exercise move she came up with herself, and "moving freely", where she manages to keep a straight face while dancing in a peach-colored jumpsuit to the tape's synthesizer background music. 


But there's actually a lot of good advice to behold here no matter your age, and the notion of an older star promoting her fitness routine and lifestyle advice to women of her age range was ahead of its time in the 1980s. Lansbury also published a complimentary book by the same name in 1990. 


The tape gives us a look into a typical day off for Lansbury: in addition to exercising and stretching, she takes a walk, polishes her Mercedes, goes for a swim, kneads bread, does a bit of gardening, enjoys a cup of tea, and takes a bubble bath where she reveals that she believes "femininity and sexuality go hand-in-hand" and talks a bit about keeping romance alive after menopause. "The right kind of attention doesn't have to stop unless you want it to." 


Lansbury's philosophy was to stay positive about each new day: "I take these few moments to focus on the day ahead. I think about each demand that will present itself in the coming day, and I visualize myself meeting it easily and well. I remind myself that I'm going to try to live each moment with a sense of peace, harmony, and calm. After all, it is the dawn of a new day, and anything is possible."


I mean, she did live to be 96, after all. 


Here's the video in its entirety if you want to take a look:


The Big, Brash, Bold Fashion of the 1980s

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Most images from the Tumblr site Periodicult 1980-1989

A few years back I wrote a post that poked fun at '80s fashion titled Dear Eighties, You Look Ridiculous. Now that I'm a bit older (and hopefully wiser) I must admit I have a deeper appreciation these days for '80s fashion; in fact, I'm downright nostalgic for it and have even purchased a few vintage pieces from the decade recently on Etsy. 


No one including myself is in a rush for shoulder pads, giant hair bows, and leg warmers to come back. But there is something fascinating about the explosion of color that overtook the decade by the middle of it. The saturation of neon hues and jewel tones everywhere we looked was probably a leading reason why fashion did a 180 and the dingy and dirty grunge look of the early '90s became popular. 


Well, I'd gladly take the big, brash, and bold fashion of the decade of decadence over the 1990s any day. I can probably chalk it up to getting older. The '80s were my coming of age period and we haven't quite had that explosion of color and patterns since. Nothing was immune from it; not even watches, sneakers, and cameras as you're about to see. Behold this totally awesome collection of '80s fashion gleaned from a Tumblr site I discovered called Periodicult 1980-1989 (along with a few images I saved a while ago to my Pinterest account.) 



I'd love to find a sweater that looks like this today.


Like I said, everything was colorized—including pantyhose. 


Too much of anything is not always good. Somehow clashing colors worked during this decade, but it would definitely turn a lot of curious heads today. 



Notebooks and other school accessories got the graphic '80s treatment as well. 


These coats appear to be faux fur, which is nice to see considering real fur was still popular at this time. 


Yep, brightly colored neckties.



Ah yes, I love and miss pastel colored clothing such as this as well. 


I love and miss jumpsuits and it has become tougher to find a simple knit jumpsuit such as this one above.

 

I'd be curious to know how they achieved this photo so flawlessly with the same model in the pre-Photoshop period. 



I still wear watches. I only owned one Swatch watch and still have it, but a few friends in junior high practically collected them. 


You can never have too much color!



Off the shoulder tops and sweaters always seem like they'd be uncomfortable (and cold!) And you either need to wear a strapless or bra or go without one. Nonetheless, that peek of shoulder was all the rage in the '80s. 


I never had a Le Chic camera but looking at the color selections, I kinda wish I did. 




OK, these are pastels...but who wouldn't want a pink vacuum cleaner or teal boombox? 

And that's just a small sampling of how color crazy we were back then. Gosh, I kind of miss it.

A Personal Ode to the Sony Walkman

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In the early '80s my parents added a few of the latest technological wonders to our household that were meant to make our lives easier or entertain us: a microwave, VCR, and answering machine quickly come to mind. But perhaps no other invention of the decade had a more personal and profound effect on me than the Sony Walkman. 

OK, to be honest, my first personal radio wasn't a Walkman but a more affordable copycat by a competing electronics manufacturer, Panasonic. And it was just a radio; no cassette player. But the concept was the same, and the word Walkman soon became a term synonymous with anything that was small, played music, and had headphones. 

Today, the concept of portable music is nothing new. But before the Sony Walkman came along the best you could do for private listening was plug a pair of oversized headphones into a giant home stereo that you couldn't lug around with you. Or you could listen with one earbud to a tinny transistor radio. 

But that was about to change. As the story goes, it was Sony's co-founder Masaru Ibuka that developed the idea of a portable music player. An opera fan who was planning to travel soon, he asked his company's designers if there was a way to create a device that was lighter and smaller than Sony's existing TC-D5 cassette player that he was carrying onto planes to listen to music. 

The original 1979 Walkman. Photo via Wikipedia

It was 1979, and little did Ibuka know that his idea would turn into something that became an icon of the '80s decade. Sony designer Norio Ohga built a prototype in time for Ibuka's next flight. Not only did the gadget play cassettes, but it also had an in-built microphone that allowed the user to mute music and talk to someone without having to remove the headphones.  It also came with two headphone jacks so two people could listen to music at the same time. These two features were later dropped from production because no one used them so if you happen to own a Walkman with them, it's probably worth a bit more money than later versions. 

The headphones were innovative as well. Sony was able to make them lightweight, thanks to an inner magnet that resonated audio. 

The Walkman wasn't just another consumer product. It made the act of listening to music in public more socially acceptable. Some may argue that it was the beginning of society's downfall and reliance on technology that cut people off socially from others, especially as it paved the way for the iPod and mobile phones. 

But for an introverted preteen whose parents weren't in touch with what was playing on the airwaves at that time, it was a game changer—and perhaps a life changer as well. 

Image via michaellowin on Reddit



My parents loved music but by the time I came along, the only ones spinning vinyl in our house were my siblings. They all married and moved out by the time I was ten, leaving behind a musical void of sorts along with a stereo that somehow made it to my room but with static-y, walnut covered speakers. My parents had also developed a fondness for The Lawrence Welk Show, so it's safe to say I was woefully out of touch with much of what was playing on the radio unless one of my siblings took me for a ride somewhere in their car. 

That all changed when my oldest sister gifted me a personal radio for Christmas in 1983. Suddenly, this whole new world was opened up to me which I could listen to in private and therefore, without judgment. I still recall the first few songs that topped or were climbing the pop charts at the time: "That's All" by Genesis, "Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club, "Politics of Dancing" by Re-Flex, "Let the Music Play" by Shannon, and "Say Say Say" by Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. 

I could relate a bit more to my classmates and my friends that owned record collections of '80s music. I recognized the songs and the artists. 

A couple of years later, when the foam covering on my earphones wore away from so much use, I was able to upgrade to a Walkman with a cassette player. All of my first albums were on cassettes. 

While my parents and I shared all of the new gadgets in our household, these personal radios were used exclusively by me, in private. I don't recall if either of them even tried the headphones, and that was fine with me. 


That Panasonic and later the Walkman became more than just listening devices. When I put the headphones on and listened to my favorite music, I would slip into a fantasy world and became a different person. I would daydream about being someone else, someone older and famous who could sing. I lip-synched and danced around my room with pure adolescent abandon. Even if that confidence didn't always spill over into the real world, there was something about acting a part in private that boosted my self esteem. And yes, I'm sure I was embarrassed once or twice when my mother came in my room looking for me because I couldn't hear her calling my name above the music. 

I'm sure I wasn't the only teen brought out of their shell a bit by the Walkman. For most adults, however, the personal radio began to accompany them on outdoor workouts, thanks to the handy clip and shock absorbent technology. A study determined that the number of people who walked for exercise increased 30% between 1987 and 1997—the years that marked the height of the product's popularity. 

Sony only expected to sell 5,000 Walkmans per month when the product was first introduced in Japan. Instead, they sold more than 30,000 in the first two months and decided to release it internationally. Throughout the '80s and '90s new versions were released: a water resistant Sport Walkman and the CD playing Discman. A digital version was introduced in 2011. 

And in 2023, Sony re-introduced the Walkman. The NW-A35HN is slimmer than its 1980s predecessor but with a nostalgic, cassette player-like feel. Reviewers are saying the audio is much better than the sound quality from any mobile phone. The price is said to be more affordable than a gold-plated player Sony was making a few years ago. 

But there will probably be one key thing missing and that's the magic of experiencing a truly revolutionary piece of technology for the first time. That was something that only my 11 year-old self can fully appreciate, the result of being in the right place at the right time in history. 

Here's a collection of fun vintage Japanese commercials for the Walkman:


The Weird and Wonderful Teleconference For Elton John's The Fox You Didn't Know Existed

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It's the year 1981, the internet hasn't been invented yet, and you need to get the word out to your record company's employees about how to market an artist's upcoming album to the masses. And not just any artist, mind you, but Elton John. What to do?


Well, if you're the head honchos of Geffen Records, you leverage the latest technology at the time and beam a live teleconference out to your staff across the U.S. 


Today, such an event would be streamed on social media but considering we're talking the early '80s here, such a concept was ahead of its time. And luckily for us, someone uploaded it to YouTube—sans a few songs so that it doesn't violate music copyrights. 


But, we're talking about a teleconference hosted by a pre-rehab Elton John here, so some things didn't go quite as planned. More on that in a bit. 


Geffen was only a year old by this time and Elton was one of the biggest names they had signed, along with Donna Summer and John Lennon.  


He was preparing to release his latest studio album (and first with Geffen), The Fox, in May 1981 and the record company's executives believed it was going to be a huge hit. The teleconference outlined the marketing strategy for the new release that covered everything from packaging to store displays to outreach to radio stations. 


For the event, the record company rented—or constructed, perhaps—a predominantly pink (gotta love the '80s) television talk show set complete with a desk while an Ed McMahon-like announcer made the introduction. The set included a reproduction of the album's cover art, featuring a skinny looking preserved fox and minimalist metal furniture from a L.A. store called Skank World. 



The event kicks off with a pre-recorded video of a cowboy hat-wearing Elton apologizing as to why he couldn't be present. Then Elton-in-the-flesh strides onto the stage to switch the TV off, telling himself, "Oh shut up, you boring old fart!" His garb is a far cry from the glittery, over-the-top stage costumes he donned in the 1970s. He is dressed appropriately for the occasion, channeling Johnny Carson in a conservative gray suit and tie. 

That suit, however, is where his reservations end. The hour-long event is one big chuckle fest from start to finish, with the Rocketman interjecting quips every time the record executives try to talk. Fortified by Budweisers beneath his desk, he cracks cheeky jokes about his sexuality, ribs long-time friend/adversary Rod Stewart, fields phone calls from Geffen employees (with hilarious results) and—like a naughty schoolboy—clearly takes delight in the audience's reactions. 


It's a side of Elton John that moviegoers didn’t really get to see in 2019’s hit film Rocketman. And to be honest, if it weren’t for his antics the event—despite revolving around an album release—would have been a dreadful bore. 


Much of the talk from the record company employees who join Elton on the set revolves around press kits, orders, and the release date. All of us who have ever had to suffer through a snooze-inducing company meeting can live vicariously through Elton, and at times you wonder if the Geffen bigwigs in attendance were nervous about what was going to come out of his mouth next. Given his legendary status, he gets away with it. There’s a great moment towards the end where Elton’s response to an executive’s awkward welcome to the superstar (“I had never heard of an Elton. I’d heard of a Melvin.”) is an unenthusiastic “Alright. Way to go, Henry.” 


The Fox came at a bit of a challenging time in Elton’s career. His chart-crushing run of the early to mid-70s had come to an end, even though he was still turning out brilliant songs. But a departure to work with other songwriters other than his long-time lyrics writer, Bernie Taupin, coupled with a controversial Rolling Stone interview where he said he was bi-sexual had put a damper on his career in the States, or at least made him easy fodder for the critics. Then there was his failed attempt at a disco record—Victim of Love—released in 1979, when the genre’s spinning mirror ball was about to fall to the floor in favor of New Wave and other musical genres. 


Elton had moderate success with 1980’s 21 at 33 and toured to promote it. He also pulled off a free Central Park concert that attracted thousands of fans. He was hoping that some of the tracks on The Fox would make him popular on FM radio stations again (“If they can play Dan Fogelberg they can bloody well play me!”)


And even though he tosses out some light-hearted insults about the way some of the executives are dressed and appears at times not to be taking the whole thing seriously (he slings the preserved fox over his shoulder while straight man Taupin answers a question about “Benny And The Jets”), it’s clear he was very grateful about all the efforts Geffen made to make the album a smash for him. 


So, after all this planning and promotion centered around a groundbreaking video conference, you may be wondering if The Fox was a hit for Elton. 


Remarkably, no. Initially, it became his poorest selling album at the time even though there isn't a lackluster track on it from start to finish. Today, it's considered one of his most underrated albums among diehard fans and certainly one of his best releases of the 1980s. 


Image via The Movie Database


Interestingly enough, there was another innovative piece of promotion that arrived nearly a year after the album's release: Visions, a collection of music videos that were made to promote the album. 

There’s no mention or airing of the videos during the teleconference (an upload of the event that included the songs show a montage of photos displayed to the audience while the tracks play.) This seems to indicate they were filmed after the album’s release. MTV wouldn’t begin airing until August 1981, three months after The Fox was released. So unfortunately, this was a case of too little, too late even though it was one of the first long-form video releases done for an album. 


Elton also didn’t tour to promote this particular record, something he touches upon at the end of the telepress, explaining that he wasn’t going to tour until people were really hungry to see him again. He did include a few tracks from The Fox on his 1982 tour for the Jump Up! album, which was obviously too late for them to race up the charts. 


When Elton released his 2021 album, The Lockdown Sessions, the promotion was much different: the rocket man surprised his fans with an announcement about it in an email and on his social media channels, teasing us the day before with photos that could be pieced together to form the album’s cover art.


However, there’s something much more charming about watching an uncensored, old school time capsule of an event that took place decades before Instagram and Facebook existed to build excitement for an album release: 


The History of Charlie Perfume

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"There's a fragrance that's here to stay and they call it...Charlie!"

It's now been 50 years since Charlie perfume was introduced and we first heard that jingle, and watched as a glamorous young woman—the Charlie Girl—pulled up to a restaurant in her Rolls Royce and Ralph Lauren pantsuit and twirled carefree in the arms of her date. 


A half-century later, the lyrics ring true. Revlon is still producing Charlie perfume which has branched out into several Charlie fragrances including Charlie Gold, Charlie Red, Charlie Blue, Charlie White, Charlie Silver, Charlie Pink (which is actually a body spray) and of course, the original Charlie. But what is the Charlie perfume history, and why is it so relevant to the 20th century?


Who Was Charlie Perfume Named After?

Revlon introduced Charlie perfume in 1973, naming it not after a woman but Charles Revson, the company's founder. It was the early '70s, and women were entering the workforce in droves. Up until Charlie was introduced, fragrances were marketed as making a woman look or feel more beautiful or become more alluring to men.


But Charlie was different in that it represented the liberated women of the era. Independent women that were comfortable being single, employed, self-sufficient, and happy weather matched up or single. No surprise, it's been referred to as the feminist's fragrance.




The Charlie Girl Through the Years

The first Charlie girl as portrayed in that unforgettable commercial was Shelley Hack. She was the face of the perfume from its introduction through the early '80s—talk about a lucrative gig.  Ironically, she also appeared on the fourth season of television's original Charlie's Angels series playing Tiffany Welles. Reflecting back on her job as the face of the fragrance on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Hack said, "It was a time when women were changing. Women looked at (the ad) and said 'I want to be like that.'"


That first commercial also featured cabaret singer and pianist Bobby Short. Later, Mel Torme and Little Richard would take over singing while the Charlie girl in the television ads would be played by a string of models and actresses that included Charly Stemper, Lauren Hutton, Sharon Stone, and Cindy Crawford. One notable Charlie girl was Naomi Sims, who became the first African American model to be featured in a major television advertising campaign.




Charlie Perfume Controversy

There was one memorable Charlie perfume advertisement that caused a bit of controversy. It showed a businesswoman patting a man's buttocks alongside the copy "She's very Charlie." It was meant to be playful but some consumers considered thought it pushed the envelope too much and considered it poor taste.




What is Charlie Perfume Made Of?

Charlie became the world's top selling perfume within three years. Charlie fragrances are classified as a floral-aldehyde fragrance. Its composition includes citrus oils, vanilla, peach, sandalwood oakmoss, rose, lemon blossom, lily of the valley, and jasmine with notes of cedar base. Needless to say, this is a lot for the nasal passages to take in which is why this super affordable perfume is often criticized today as smelling cheap.


For me personally, that commercial will always bring back happy memories of a different time. Here's a collection of Charlie perfume commercials through the years starting with a series of Shelley Hack ones including that classic, catchy original that launched the product.







Five Reasons Why the American Mall is Dying

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The Esplanade Mall in Kenner, Louisiana as photographed in 1988 (and which is now closed.)
Photo via @the_80s_interior on Instagram.

For some reason, I love looking at old photos of shopping malls. Maybe it's because as a '70s and '80s kid, I remember how much fun it was going to the mall back in the day. 


I remember my mom taking me to see the Sesame Street characters at a local mall where I gave Big Bird a hug. I loved riding the escalators and making a wish as I tossed a penny into one of the bubbling fountains flanked by fake trees. 


When I got older, the mall was always a fun and relatively safe place to get dropped off at and explore with my friends. If we were lucky, it contained a movie theater, arcade, or ice cream shop. A music store or Spencer's was the icing on the cake. 


Today, it's safe to say the writing seems to be on the wall for the American mall. I recently witnessed it first-hand. 


My sister and I visited a local mall neither of us had been to in several years. Actually, it was one I used to work next door to nearly a decade ago and was always busy at that time, even when it wasn't holiday season. So you could imagine my surprise to see barely any cars in the parking lot, despite arriving an hour after opening. 


We were there to go to Macy's—now one of only two department stores left at this shopping destination—with the sole purpose of finding jeans (for me) and sneakers (for her.) 


In the past I'd been satisfied with the selection of denim in the Macy's at this mall. However, this time neither of us found what we were looking for. The stock seemed very limited and prices were high, despite a "friends and family sale" taking place. No surprise, there were barely any other shoppers present and many of the departments seemed short on employees. 


What was once a bustling place just a few years ago now felt like a ghost town. 


We were only there for about 45 minutes before we cut our losses and decided to head over to the nearby Marshalls—where we found what we were looking for and more. We didn't feel like exploring any of the other stores. 


The decline of the American mall is hardly earth shattering news; the media has been touching upon it for years. But I suppose this was the first time I noticed the dip in customers and lackluster selection of clothing. 


How Many Malls Are Left in the U.S.? 


Malls in the U.S. reached their peak by the 1990s and were more than just places to shop. They also served as entertainment and socializing destinations. If you needed a place to hang out, the mall served that purpose for young and old alike.


In the 1980s there were about 2,500 malls across the country. Today, that number has dropped to 700 and many sources are predicting that within a decade there may only be about 150 malls left in the U.S. 


Once a mall closes due to the lack of shoppers and retailers filling the space it's declared a "dead mall" and usually left to slowly decay unless a developer decides to convert it into housing or commercial space. Here's a video tour of a dead mall that closed for good partly because of COVID, and partly because of mis-management. It's eerie to see merchandise still left behind among the disheveled store displays. 



Unfortunately, this may become a more common sight in the future. The way I see it, there are five major reasons why malls have fallen out of favor with consumers: 

1. Online Shopping

Hardly surprising, but once the internet and online shopping came along it signaled a warning to physical storefronts. Shopping online is convenient and you can often find a better selection of clothing and footwear in your size versus at an actual store. There are also no lines to wait in, no traffic and lack of parking spaces to deal with, and shipping is often free depending upon the retailer and the amount you buy. 


Shopping in person does have its perks—you can try on something right away and determine if it's right for you, and you get to bring your purchase home right away. And if you need a salesperson's advice, some stores are happy to help. But overall, it's tough to beat the convenience of buying what you need in just a few clicks. 


Meet me at the fountain and we'll walk to Sears together.
Photo credit Carol M. Highsmith/Library of Congress


2. Death of the Department Store

In the past few years department stores such as Sears, Filene's, and Lord&Taylor that were once retail giants have now shuttered several locations or ceased business operations completely. 


Why should this matter? Because many of these stores were considered "anchors" and their doors served as additional entrances to the mall for customers to find their way to other stores. And if another store fails to fill the space, it's another reason not to visit that mall. 


3. Lack of Customer Service/Employees

I know first-hand how tough it is for retailers to hire and retain good employees. It's a poor paying industry—you're lucky if you can find an entry level retail job that pays above minimum wage—and is best suited for people that don't mind being on their feet for several hours a day. 


Even before the pandemic, retail employers were struggling to hire staff and that's probably never going to change unless the industry can pay better and treat employees more fairly. There's a serious lack of employees to open and close stores at mall locations and run them efficiently, which causes customers to go online or to another location. 


Ice skating rink at the now vacant Eastland Mall in Charlotte, NC. Photo from Axis Charlotte.

4. Better Entertainment Options Elsewhere 

In the past the mall offered up movie theaters, arcades, merry-go-rounds, ice skating rinks, and other attractions to keep kids and teens entertained for hours. Today, many such venues have shut down and parents take their kids elsewhere to let them burn off energy. 


5. Inflation

Lastly, inflation is deterring a lot of people from shopping at malls where the prices are often higher. Hence, one reason why my sister and I went to Marshall's where you can find slightly imperfect items from decent brands for a fraction of the price seen in malls. I scored a great fitting pair of Lucky Brand jeans for $35 which is comparable to paying $100 for them in Macy's. 


How Malls Are Evolving

Some malls are not dying—rather, they're evolving into mixed used/outdoor spaces. However, any "mall" where you're required to walk around outside to get from store to store isn't the definition of a true mall in my opinion. A mall to me should always be enclosed so you don't have to worry about browsing several stores without dealing with the weather. Otherwise, it's a shopping plaza. 


Do you think malls will go the way of the Dodo bird? Let me know in the comments!



Muhammad Ali's Trippy Children's Record About Fighting Tooth Decay

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Image via discogs.com

By 1976, Muhammad Ali was on top of the world. He was a two-time World Heavyweight Champion who had defeated George Foreman in The Rumble in the Jungle boxing match, and tussled with Joe Frazier in The Thrilla in Manilla. 


So, how did "The Greatest" as he was called follow up these victories? Well, by recording a children's album about fighting tooth decay, of course. 


The result was a trippy and oftentimes unintentionally funny novelty record called The Adventures of Ali and His Gang vs. Mr. Tooth Decay. From what I could find from a 1979 Washington Post piece, the record (and a follow-up) was sold in A&P supermarkets at the time. That would explain why the label is listed as the world-famous St. John's Fruit And Vegetable Co. 


As it turns out, educating children about good oral hygiene was one of Ali's social causes and in 1979 he even entertained a crowd of school children and their parents by staging a fight with Mr. Tooth Decay himself, played by fellow boxer Chuck Wepner. Supposedly, the match was filmed for a short film but as of this writing hasn't been uploaded to YouTube. 


But back to the record. Ali wasn't the only famous figure who lent his voice to this project. Howard Cosell, Ossie Davis, and even Ol' Blue Eyes himself—yep, Frank Sinatra—make appearances. 


The album is just under 40 minutes but trust me, that's long enough. You have to pity the parents of the YouTube commenters who said they had the album, loved it, and would listen to it often. But if it made them clean their teeth more diligently, surely this weird project of Ali did some good. 


The Catchy Opening Song

One high point is that the album kicks off with a song—and a groovy one at that with a terrific horn section. "Ali's Historical Theme Song" features Ali rapping his way through American history while the chorus repeatedly tells us that "Ali's always getting blamed for things he didn't do." 


Those things include pivotal moments in our nation's history that took place centuries before Ali was born: putting the crack in the Liberty Bell, riding the route of Paul Revere, throwing tea into Boston Harbor, etc. None of which has anything to do with tooth decay or dental health! 


One plausible explanation is that 1976 was the year of America's bicentennial and patriotic fever was sweeping the country and permeating many areas of pop culture. So, why not? If anything else, it sets Ali up as the bad ass he was. 

Promotional button for St. John's toothpaste. Image via Hakes.com.

A Beautiful Children's Story

The rest of the record is narrated by famed sports announcer Howard Cosell and follows a group of children who meet at their clubhouse and are contemplating how they're going to spend their summer vacation—they've been bored with how the gang spent their previous summers (that included making blueberry pies—such crafty chefs, these kids) and want to do something different than what the president of the club usually has planned for them. 


But not so fast! Here come the storyline's two main villains, Mr. Tooth Decay (who has a foreign, sort of Russian accent) and his dim-witted, sniveling sidekick with a name that sounds like a rapper's, Sugar Cuber. They're lurking outside the clubhouse and are out of breath after being chased by Ali. On the album's cover art, Mr. Tooth Decay is depicted as a sleazy looking, balding, trench coat-wearing flasher brandishing drills, hammers, and other tools for creating cavities in teeth. 


Shortly after Ali encounters the kids ("Have you seen two funny looking characters?"), he tells them how he's training to fight Mr. Tooth Decay and impresses them with a bizarre tale of "murdering a rock" and "hospitalizing a brick"—which proves, of course, that he's just the person to take on oral bacteria! ("I'm BAD - bring on tooth decay!")


With each accomplishment Ali rattles off, the starstruck kids ooo and ahhh in unison (they shout several things in monotone unison throughout the record, which is annoying.) But the best part is when Ali's voice echos while instructing them to get their dental floss-floss-floss and toothbrushes brushes-brushes-brushes ready. 


Image via discogs

Frank Sinatra's Brief Appearance as a Candy Shop Owner

One has to wonder how Frank Sinatra got involved in this record. He doesn't sing on it, but instead plays the owner of a candy shop who is just about to hand over some ice cream to two of the kids, Andy and Kelly. Oh no! 


Luckily, Ali steps in just in time to stop the kids from exposing their teeth to sugar. ("That's like taking candy from a baby!" quips The Chairman of the Board.) When Ali explains that he's coaching the kids to fight tooth decay, this impresses Sinatra who declares that it sounds like an excellent idea, despite the fact that he's selling the very stuff that causes craters in teeth. 


It also takes him a while to recognize Ali but once he does, he's starstruck too, and can't wait to tell Sammy and Dino all about it! 


So now Ali and the kids hop on a bus to pay a visit to a farm owned by his dentist-turned-organic farmer friend Brother St. John (Ossie Davis) to educate them on the importance of eating healthy food and practicing good oral hygiene habits. 


Image via discogs

A Bit of Misguided Dental Advice

Brother St. John is a kind man who shows the kids around the farm and brags that his ice cream is the best, because it's made with dates. It's implied that this type of naturally sweetened ice cream is somehow superior to the regular stuff, despite the fact that dates are sweet and will stick to teeth. He also tells Ali's gang to brush their teeth immediately after eating—that can actually be good or bad depending on what you just ate (it's generally advised now to wait at least a half hour after eating acidic foods like citrus fruit.)


Ali is confident that the kids are now equipped with enough knowledge to fight Mr. Tooth Decay. Unfortunately, those two troublemakers Andy and Kelly (the same ones that tried to derail plans by buying ice cream) discover and eat cake that Mr. Tooth Decay, Willie Plague, and Sugar Cuber left around the clubhouse. Their teeth start to rot immediately, leaving them running off to the dentist. 


So how does Ali save the day? By putting his toothbrush and dental floss over the door to the clubhouse—something that could have been done to begin with!


The record then winds up with fanfare and Cosell describing a boxing match between Ali and Mr. Tooth Decay. And while The Greatest is victorious, Cosell's closing remarks may offer a clue that the battle is not over: "Mr. Milkshake will have his way, chocolate fudge he just can't budge, and so to the dentist we make our way." 



This wasn't Ali's last children's record, by the way. He followed up the following year with The Dope King's Last Stand which featured President Jimmy Carter and celebrity guests Lily Tomlin, Billie Jean King, Arlo Guthrie, Pat Boone, and Frank Sinatra (again!). As you can probably guess, this time he was educating kids about the dangers of drug use. 


If you're a vinyl collector that loves rarities, this one should be added to your collection—if for nothing else, the back's delightful cover art. 


Here's the album in its entirety as uploaded to YouTube...




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