Those who have been reading Go Retro for a while know that I usually keep personal issues off the site unless something is affecting me deeply. I had every intention of getting a new retro-related post up this weekend--because writing for me is therapy--however, I really couldn't focus on the topic and decided that getting a few things off my chest may clear the air for me, help me feel better, and move on.
First of all, was there something in the air last month (July)? Was it the full blue moon last night? This was a horrible month, not only for me but for many people I know. In the past week, I've heard nothing about really bad news. The sudden death of someone's parent. A relative's health problems. A friend finding out she is being forced to retire. And that story about Cecil the Lion's death that keeps revolving online and in the media.
My mother had triple bypass surgery this past Monday. The good news is, she's now doing extremely well and may be coming home from the hospital tomorrow (I live with my mother, for those who do not know. While it is not an arrangement I'd ever thought I'd still be in at my age, she's 85 and I provide her with financial support and a lot of help around the house.)
It's been a rough couple of weeks for her and my siblings. She had to have several tests and a few issues cleared up first before they could perform the surgery, and she pretty much went through hell on a few days. It's been very stressful learning her diagnosis day by day, running back and forth to the hospital, dealing with a never ending parade of phone calls, and trying to keep the household humming nicely. But fortunately, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and she sounded like her old self on the phone with me earlier today.
The other disheartening situation for me is that a new friendship died abruptly on me the other night. While I understand this person's situation and reason for having to end all contact with me, I'm still not quite over the loss yet. It was a punch in the gut, to be honest. This person was special to me. We emailed each other on a daily basis and had an amazing connection and mutual chemistry--the first I've experienced with someone in years--and it's still painful for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm probably never going to hear from this person ever again, even though I mentioned to them that my door will always be open and available to them if their life changes. I do feel there was a reason we were in each other's lives and the outcome will ultimately benefit both of us; I just never anticipated that it would end so quickly. My appetite has taken a dive and I'm struggling to get enough sleep. In fact, while lying down just now trying to take a nap, my heart area felt heavy--like something was on it. There's no denying it: right now, my heart is broken, only surgery can't repair it like my mother's. The only thing that can is a little time.
So where am I going with all this? A sympathetic friend told me to remember Joan Holloway in the finale of Mad Men (and no, I'm still not over the series going off the air.) Her lover broke up with her, after he initially said he was going to try to make things work despite finding out she had a little boy. She was also dealing with the loss of her job after a sexual harassment filled tug-and-war. Joan picked herself up and sauntered on, launching her own business from her dining room. I guess it's what I have to do, too. I've mentioned before about having bigger plans for Go Retro. Maybe now's the time to start thinking about a layout refresh and changes to the site.
This friend reminded me how Joan has style, didn't compromise herself with Richard, and is a strong lady and inspirational. Honestly, it's the best compliment/comparison I could receive right now.
It's still a little hard to feel the positive vibes right now and focus on what is working in my life, but I really have no choice. So stay tuned, Go Retro readers.
